Dark Ivy
by paintmystory
Summary: Dark Jennan Fic. Set after prison episode with the fight between Jess and Bren. Bren spirals into depression, only Jess can help him, but is he willing to give that much of himself to help Bren? Rape, slash, definate m. Dont like, dont read. Please R/R!
1. Chapter 1

**Auther's Notes: Hi! Thanks for reading, sorry the first chapter is a bit of a copout length-wise but the others are better, i promise! It's set from the POV of brennan and jesse and you can see who is talking at the start of each scene. Anyroadup, its rated M but its really more for adult themes than adult content. Hope you enjoy it. Please R/R, thanks again!**

* * *

Brennan

A flash of fist, my fist, slamming into Jesse's jaw streaked through my head and I groaned as I threw back my fourth straight vodka, thumping my

unfeeling head down onto the bar. I felt so disgusted with myself. I'd had problems with Jess in the past, like about status and stuff but god, ever

since fighting him in the prison, when I was on all those drugs, I just couldn't look him in his ever innocent face. Despite everything, he never lost

faith, never changed, hardened or gave up on his friends and oh god, I couldn't help but love him for it. I groaned into the wood of the bar and

deeply inhaled the scent of stale smoke and booze, letting the recently all too familiar smell relax me. Only a week had passed since that night at

the prison when I nearly battered Jesse to death, I still couldn't get the image of my electricity arcing through him, the sight of his body convulsing

on the floor of the ring out of my headn. And most of all, seeing him getting up again, time after time, punch after punch, bolt after bolt of energy,

just to help me. It killed me to think of him in pain, in any way, and seeing him now, with the bruises all over his face, the tape on his broken ribs,

the electrical burns all over his body cut me to my core. It just reminded me too much of my teen years. The breakdown after my powers first

developed. Shocking anyone who came within twenty feet of me. Terrified that one day the electricity, _my_ electricity, would consume me, burn me

away. I couldn't go back to that, not ever. So I drank it away, finding comfort in alcohol – temporary amnesia, temporary insanity. I found comfort

in others as well – In flesh, but when it was over I always felt empty, dirty, leaving whichever guy I'd picked up in bed and rushing back to

Sanctuary to scrub the filth of each awful day off my skin. I ordered another shot and rubbed a hand across my thickening stubble, I don't know

how I'm going to get through this.


	2. Chapter 2

Jesse

I eased my battered body into bed, wincing at the sting of healing ribs; I'd given up on waiting for Brennan to get back. The clock read 4:23 but

now that the girls were away on a mission – infiltrating some terrorist organisation in Nicaragua and Adam was in some uber secret bio

geneticists' convention, trying to track down someone who could help him stabilise the genetic codes, Brennan made no effort to hide his growing

alcoholism or disguise his rampant vices. I knew he'd been going out every night, getting hammered and screwing most likely every girl in the bar,

he had even started smoking again, a habit taken up in his teen years and kicked shortly after joining Mutant X. I closed my eyes and slowly

drifted off to sleep, my last thought being off how to get Brennan through this.

* * *

Jesse.

I woke up early, already feeling the fatigue of a restless nights sleep: getting to sleep late in the morning combined with having idiot friends on

your mind does not add up to feeling fresh in the mornings. I pulled on some boxers and carefully slid a pair of tight jeans and a grey body

hugging sweater over burns and bruises. God, why can't life be like TV? When the heroes come out best every time, when they don't get drinking

problems or depression, when all the cuts and all the pain is healed by the next episode…I wish! I yawned and rubbed my eyes before walking to

the kitchen and putting on some coffee. I heard a thud and a groan from the lounge. Thinking 'oh joy, the liquored up superhero is home'. Filling a

glass with cold water for Brennan I strode into the lounge area and found him prone, on the floor, in front of the couch, having obviously fallen off

it when he woke up. I knelt and said softly.

"Bren, you alright? I brought something to help wake you up" and, with more pleasure than I liked to admit, dumped the water over his head.

With a half gasp half snort he jerked fully awake and flew onto his feet. Eyes rolling wildly he searched for what had woken him. Spotting me

kneeling in front of him his eyes narrowed and anger sparked in them.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! For gods sake I nearly blasted you!" I saw the visible shudder that ran down his muscled back as his eyes

misted over and I knew he was thinking about the night at the prison. My own anger swelled at seeing him like this, soaked to the bone in self

pity.

"What's wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you? Look I know you're upset about the prison but I don't understand why, I'm over it - it

was the drugs, I get that. You need to let go of whatever you're holding onto, I wanna help you Bren, I just don't know why I need to." I took a

step toward him and he took one back, like some angry, painful waltz.

"_As always all he wants to do is help me. I need to push him away, before he really gets hurt" _Brennan's thoughts streamed through his head. I

continued,

"You're not doing yourself any good going out each night, getting drunk and sleeping with any girl you can" I saw a flash of confusion hit Bren's

face and I wondered at it before it disappeared and he hardened again. "What would Shal say if she saw you like this?" Brennan's lips tightened

and I felt the tension in the empty room hike up another notch as a muscle in his jaw ticked and he said stonily,

"I don't care what Shalimar thinks"

"Oh come on Brennan you don't exactly make it a secret that you like her, why are you even denying it?" I couldn't understand why he was acting

this way – we all knew he liked Shal.

"Because it's not true, that's why" Brennan's voice was beginning to rise, water still dripping from his hair and face. "For god's sake I'm-" he cut

himself off and said quietly "she's just not my type, that's all" now _that_ I couldn't help but laugh at, Shal was everyone's type, and everyone was

Brennan's type.

"Oh please Bren I know you, female is your type, your standards don't get much broader than that!" rage lit in Brennan's eyes as well as, for

some reason, hurt and I was shocked at his sudden outburst,

"FUCK you Jess, you don't know the first thing about me" bridging the gap between us with two forceful strides he pushed his face right up into

mine and his hot, angry breath slid over me. "You think you do, you think I'm so simple, so superficial, well I'm not Jesse Kilmartin and if you

realized that then maybe you would understand me a little more" he flew away from me, grabbing his leather jacket. Leaving in the clothes he

had come back in and leaving me stunned, with no idea of what had just happened. I sighed and grabbed a cloth to wipe up the water, with no

clue as to what to do with another day alone in Sanctuary.


	3. Chapter 3

Brennan.

I stalked through Sanctuary until I came into the hanger and jumped in the double helix, fuming as I flew to the nearest city. I felt an icy, burning

rage claw through my chest and spread to every muscle, filling them with tension. Jesse knew nothing about me, that's why I'd never tell him I'm

gay, he wouldn't get it, he'd make jokes and just wouldn't treat me the same. I knew. It had happened before. The whole story about seeing the

light? Turning away from my life of crime cause of some Christmas ghost epiphany? Bull. I left cause when I told my 'friends' they treated me

different, not bad, they were never nasty. Just different, like they weren't comfortable with me anymore, like _I'd_ changed when this was really me,

I was the same person. That's why I left. Godamnit, I needed to hit something. Hard. But then an image of Jesse's bleeding, determined face

forced its way into my head and the tension slid from my body, the anger dissipating, leaving me alone with emptiness and regret. I sighed and

landed the small plane on a roof top, activating the cloaking device. I stepped out into the bitter chill of an early morning wind, walked to the edge

of the towering office block and looked out across the city that buzzed with life, all of it pointless when everything thrummed with cruelty. With

such evil in the world that nothing could be wiped clean by the rising sun of a new day, not the murders, the rapes, the muggings…not me. I was

stained, always would be and not even the beams of red and orange light that skimmed the waking rooftops could clean my soul. All I had now

was another day to waste, all alone.

* * *

Brennan.

Late night and I was drunk, in a night club, surrounded by dancing guys and filled with a gritty, strangely vacant sensation that left me feeling

worthless. I'm not even worth the pain that's devouring me, killing me, rotting me from the inside out. I tried to fit in with the pulsing environment,

the bubbling people and the throbbing need that thrummed through each of them. But I couldn't. Even these people, out looking for a cheap thrill,

a one night fuck, were so much better than me, even the totally wasted were more in control than me, more secure. Even they were more

innocent, less teeming with clinging darkness and sin than me. I stopped dancing and froze, looking around at the people near me. I couldn't do

this anymore; it felt too much like lying. I pushed through to the back exit of the night club and into a darkened alley, rejoicing in the cold smack of

the night air. Finally, where I belonged: a dirty alley filled with bloody needles, used condoms and greasy take away wrappers. I tensed as a

shadow rippled in the darkness.

"Hey" a thickly gravelled, husky voice slithered from it. "I saw you dancing, you know how to move". I moved deeper into the black and saw a tall

man with short, dark hair and a brushing of stubble across the sharply defined planes of his face. I flashed my teeth at him and took a slow step

forward. He grinned harshly and crushed his lips against mine, I moved mine back until he grabbed my shirtfront and slammed me against the

brick wall of the club. Panicking I pushed against his chest but he was stronger and pinned my wrists above my head.

"No. Stop. _Please,_ just stop" laughing cruelly he threw me roughly to the floor. Blind terror ripped through my body and I whimpered as he

towered over me. Fear triggered a reflex deep in my brain and adrenaline seared much used pathways through my synapses, urging me to fight.

But I knew I was too drunk to use my powers, my vision blurred around the edges and my head span wildly. I'd just hurt myself. There was

nothing I could do. I began to taste my own hot salty tears as he knelt in front of me, slamming another fist into my face and I cried out, gravel

slicing my cheek and heated blood oozing from my body. He pushed forward until he lay on top of me and I turned my face away from his. The

pain and empty shock running through me unbearable. I looked up as hot breath scoured my face. He loomed over me and filled my world,

blocking out the light and coating me in more utter black than I ever thought possible.


	4. Chapter 4

Jesse.

I jumped at the sound of a thick grunt and a smash from the kitchen. I looked up from the computer screen of altercations I was making to the

holographic programme for the dojo. Checking my watch I thought '1a.m, huh, bit early for Brennan'. Rising out of my chair I walked to the kitchen

to see what he'd broken, I saw shards of glass behind the counter, he must have fallen behind it. Feeling irritation soar through me I strode to

the other side to confront him. I gasped; Brennan was on his knees, huddled with a slice of glittering glass to his wrist. My anger flew from me

and I threw myself at him, tearing it from his hands, slicing my own as I flung it across the room. I slammed my hands into his chest, making him

slide along the floor to the other side of the kitchen.

"_What the hell is wrong with you?"_ I screamed, but suddenly my eyes took in the cuts and scratches painting his chest, the front of his t-shirt torn

open. The mottled, puffy bruises and blood dripping from his face. My voice cracked "Brennan?" I asked softly. He had brought his knees up to his

chest, resting his head on them and wrapping his arms around his body, his shoulders shaking in silent sobs. Distraught, I shuffled forward and

heard him mumbling between choked gasps,

"I said no. I told him no" I moved to kneel by him and he flinched away when I put my hand on his shoulder,

"Bren, what happened to you?" he slowly lifted his head and his tortured, bloodshot eyes met mine, twisting anguish through my heart as he

pleaded,

"I said no Jesse, please, believe me, I kissed him but I told him _no_" he broke back down into racking sobs. My body went cold as realisation

seeped into me.

"Come on Bren, I'm going to help you up, ok?" I slid my hands into his and gently pulled him to his feet, I saw the knees of his jeans were nothing

but ragged holes and underneath his knees were deeply scraped and the wounds filled with grit, the entire fabric soaked with blood. Oh shit,

what am I supposed to do? I can't deal with this. I slung his arm around my shoulder and helped him to his room; he limped heavily and could

barely stand by himself. "Right, I'll help you into the shower and then I'll clean and bandage your cuts, 'kay Bren?" I felt pitiful, Brennan had been 

_raped_, and all I could do was offer to slap some plasters on him. I shook my head sharply as we reached his room. I needed to be strong for him,

stable. I sat him down on the bed and went to turn on the shower, leaving him staring into space. After turning on the shower and checking the

heat I walked back and helped Brennan into the en-suite bathroom. He turned to me and whispered,

"I didn't want to Jesse, I told him no" hurt sheared through me and I whispered back,

"Don't worry Bren, I know you did, I believe you. Can you get into the shower yourself?" He nodded slightly and I smiled softly at him, "ok, I'll be

back in five minutes, I'm just gonna get you some bandages" another slight nod and I backed out of the room. Five minutes later I was back with

an array of bandages, antiseptic wipes and plasters. I knocked on the bathroom door and called out, "you alright Bren?" there was no reply "Are

you decent? I'm coming in". I turned the door handle and slipped inside. Oh crap, I dropped the bandages and rushed to the shower. Brennan

was curled in a ball, scrubbing vigorously with a washcloth at the deep, bloody, nail scratches that ran from his upper thighs to his knees. I flung

open the shower door and dropped to my knees next to him, ignoring the hot water pounding my clothes and seeping up through my trousers.

"Brennan, Brennan stop" I grasped his hands and stilled their shaking "come on Bren, you're clean now, you're safe, I've got you, you're safe,

look at me Bren. _Please_". His head snapped up, eyes wide,

"Jesse? Oh god Jess. I'm so dirty. I'm stained Jesse, stained and it won't come off. Help me Jess" I almost broke down there and then. How am I

supposed to handle this? I pulled him to his feet and shut off the shower. I helped him out and he started shivering as I helped dry him off. I sat

him down on the floor, threw the bloody towel to the side and snatched up the bandages,

"Ok Bren, nearly done. Don't worry, you're alright, I'm here for you" I rubbed his arm and began to wrap bandages around his thighs, panicking as

blood quickly began to well up again. I finished up and moved on to the deep slice across his cheek, cleaning it with an antiseptic wipe before

putting gauze and tape on it. I assured him I'd be back and ran out to get some pyjama bottoms for him, coming back I helped him into them,

trying not to cry at the look of utter shock and devastation etched into his face. Slinging his arm over my shoulder again I supported him as he

limped back to the bedroom and I lowered him down onto the bed. I lifted the sheets and pulled them up to his chin. "Try and sleep now Bren, I'll

be back in the morning" a look of horror flashed into his eyes,

"W-wait Jesse, please don't go. J-just stay for tonight, keep me safe?"

"Of course Bren, don't worry, I'll stay, just try and get some sleep for now" I settled into the armchair in the corner of the bedroom. Turning it to

face the bed so he knew I was watching over him. Within minutes he was asleep, with me following quickly after. Desperately wanting the day to

be over, wishing for the sun to rise on a new day and wipe everything away. But I guess life never is like TV.


	5. Chapter 5

Jesse.

I woke to the sound of a harsh scream and flew to my feet. Brennan was writhing under the covers, yelling and lashing out. I ran to the bed as he

cried out again and pulled the covers away from him, leaning over I shook him sharply,

"Brennan, Bren, wake up," his eyes flew open and locked with mine,

"Jesse?" his voice so filled with innocent pain every fibre of my body ached to take it from him, take it for him and free him from it.

"That's right Bren, it's me. It's all ok, you were just dreaming Bren, I'm here now, I've got you." Some of the tension slipped out of his body but

still he gripped my arms tightly, eyes unblinking and filled with need and fear.

"Jesse, will you sleep with me? Please, just hold me and keep them out. He's in my head Jess. Please just keep him out. Hold onto me, don't let

me fall"

"Sure thing Bren, its ok, I've got you, I'm here for you" I said, sliding in next to him, fully clothed. He grabbed my arm and wrapped it round

himself, clutching it to his chest and I shuffled closer. Whispering softly, "Its gonna be ok Bren, I promise you, we'll make it through this". There

was a long silence and I thought he'd fallen asleep until I barely heard him say,

"Jesse? I think, I think I love you…is that ok?" the breath was torn from my lips. What do I say? I'm not gay, and even if I was…Brennan? Could I

love him? Did I want to? Did I already? I had no idea of what to do or say, so I simply replied gently,

"Sure Bren, course it is, now try to get some sleep yeah?"

"Ok, thanks Jesse" he sighed and closed his eyes, near unconscious instantly. It was a long time before I was as well, my thoughts clawing

against the inside of my head. What the hell am I going to do now?

* * *

Jesse.

When I woke up Brennan was gone. Worried, I felt his side of the bed and realised it was only slightly warm. If something's happened to him I'll

never forgive myself I thought franticly. I tore myself out of his bed and rushed out, the smell of liquor was thick on the air and I felt my stomach

drop, dragging steely nails through my chest. I rushed to the kitchen, where the smell was coming from. As I neared I heard the glug of poured

liquid and found Brennan leaning heavily on the counter.

"Brennan, please don't" I begged. He turned and my mouth dropped as I saw he was pouring a bottle of whiskey down the sink "Bren? What're

you doing?"

"Hi Jesse" he said brightly, "I'm just getting rid of this shit. I'm gonna clean myself up. I promise" he turned bashful and dropped his gaze "and…

I'm-I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting, I shouldn't have been like that to you" I looked into his shy face and smiled.

"Don't worry about it Bren, we're fine" he looked up and I noticed a new light in his eyes as a grin rippled across his face. I couldn't help but beam

back at the sight of the smile I hadn't seen in weeks. He finished pouring out the last of the alcohol and scooped up the bottles. He walked to the

bin and as he passed he swooped down and brushed his lips across my cheek in a quick kiss. I tensed and span to see him happily piling bottles

into the bin. I was speechless, there was nothing I could think of saying as he all but skipped out of the room. I had to set him straight, before he

got too hurt.

* * *

Brennan.

I couldn't help smiling broadly as I strolled past Jesse and kissed him lightly on the cheek. After the horror of last night, I knew I had only Jesse,

the others hadn't been there, no-one had and I couldn't trust them. Not anyone, they didn't understand and I realised now just what people

were capable of. I was still beaten and shaken but we could get through this, together, me and Jesse. I strolled through the lounge and slumped

onto the couch. I twisted at the sound of Jesse sputtering.

"I uh, Bren? I didn't mean for, well. I don't think you. I think I may have given you the wrong idea…" my face chilled,

"What is it? What do you mean Jess?"

"Brennan, I'm really sorry but…I'm not gay", I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing at the oh-so apologetic look on his face, and then harder at his

confusion.

"Don't worry Jess, that's fine. I still love you" I rose, placed another kiss on his cheek and sauntered to my bedroom, grinning at the knowledge

that I had left him with a look of befuddled speechlessness on his pretty face.


	6. Chapter 6

Jesse.

Oh god. Oh god. Now what am I supposed to do? I think I just encouraged him even more, I could still feel his lips burning on my cheek. I tried to

force words past the block in my throat as I watched him drift provocatively to his bedroom, swinging his hips ever so slightly. And perhaps even

more worryingly, the fact that I had noticed his swinging hips. I rubbed a hand across my face and left to change out of the clothes from last

night. Thinking maybe Brennan shouldn't have poured _all _the alcohol away. I changed into some fresh clothes and dragged myself to the kitchen,

starting to pull ingredients from cupboards. Brennan slid back into the room and plunked himself down onto the counter.

"Hey, what're you making?" he asked, wide eyed innocence plastered all over his face. I looked at him suspiciously and replied,

"Spanish omelette". As I turned away to pour the whisked egg into the pan I heard Brennan singing softly,

"Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? How's about cooking somethin' with me?" I swung around to see him sitting and dancing goofily on the

counter with an idiot grin on his face. I tried to look serious but couldn't help bursting into laughter.

"Bren I have a metal frying pan in my hand, I'm not afraid to use it!" Brennan laughed back,

"Oh yeah? Come and get me" he said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. I groaned and turned back to my omelettes. I finished cooking, solidly

ignoring Bren's rude comments the whole time. When I slapped his plate in front of him I saw I small patch of red on his top. I frowned and said,

"Bren what's-" crap on tacos - he was bleeding through his top. I moved to him and pulled up his t-shirt.

"Relax Jesse, it's only a scratch, I'll just slap another bandage on it." I could tell it hurt him to see the reminders of last night and the 'scratch' in

question was five inches long and very deep.

"Be quiet and stop jiggling about, no wonder the scabs tore." I pulled his top off so I could see it clearly. I warned him to stay where he was or I'd

phase him into the middle of a wall to keep him out of trouble and went off in search of more bandages. When I came back he was still sat there,

looking bored and wearied by the entire experience but I could tell the creases around his eyes weren't from physical pain. I carefully bandaged

the slice up again, with extra padding this time. I felt myself blush as he said

"Y'know I think this whole thing is just to get me to take my top off!" I poked one of his bruises and tried not to laugh when he yelped,

"Whoops sorry, Bren, maybe if you didn't move around so much when you speak…" he glowered at me and snapped his mouth shut. I quickly

finished off the dressing and tapped him lightly on the back. "right, now you are going back to bed, immediately, you shouldn't have gotten up in

the first place in this condition" he hopped off the counter and sidled past me, his bare chest brushing mine as he grinned wickedly and said,

"yes doctor" I glared at him,

"Ha-ha, here you can eat your breakfast in bed" I said, pushing his plate into his muscled stomach, he grinned that saucy grin again and replied,

"Oh, are you coming with me then?" I frowned in confusion as he walked away, plate in hand until I suddenly realized what he meant.

"Brennan!" I spluttered again and he laughed, not slowing, leaving me shocked into silence again.


	7. Chapter 7

Jesse.

My heart all but stopped with joy as I heard a familiar voice ring through Sanctuary,

"Jesse? Jeeeessssseeee? I flew out of bed and threw down my book. Shal was back. I ran out of my bedroom to find her standing with an

enormous grin on her face. I ran to her and she leapt at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. I lifted her off the ground as I squeezed her

tight in a hug; I heard the tinkle of Emma's laugh and laughed in reply. I put Shal back down and sobered.

"Shal, Emma we have-"

"We know – Emma" my face went slack,

"You could tell about Brennan from _Nicaragua?_" I could nearly see her face heat as she replied,

"Well, Y'know, I have a deep connection with you guys…besides, Nicaragua isn't _that_ far away" I smiled at her; we all knew she was more

powerful than she let on.

"Well can you talk to him…I just, I don't know what to do, he's covering it up, I know he's still in pain but he's just hiding it, nearly pretending it

didn't happen" Emma turned serious and looked down, averting her gaze.

"I know, I can feel that too. I had to suppress my powers when we got within a mile of Sanctuary. I couldn't take it. All I can feel from him is this

massive back hole" Emma's voice became thick as she clearly grew distressed just from the memory "I'm a Telempath, I _know_ emotion, better than

anyone and…oh god, before now I never realised a body could hold that much pain. If you could feel it you'd know, I'm scared he'll fall apart or

explode from what's inside him. He needs something, someone to hold onto or he'll fall. Crash and burn, I can tell that much" Shal put an arm

around Emma and lifted her chin, her pack instinct kicking in, her need to defend her family, I loved her for her dedication to those she loved,

"Don't worry Jesse, I'll talk to him" I breathed the sigh of relief I hadn't realised I'd been holding onto ever since I'd found Brennan on the kitchen

floor.

* * *

Brennan.

I lay on the floor of the garden, surrounded by plants. I was on my side, letting the cold stone comfortably leech the heat from my skin. I let the

silence envelop me as I read my book, yes I read, try not to faint. I was hiding in the garden because I knew the others were back and facing

them was more than I could bear. I just couldn't be around them, Jesse was the only one I could trust, he had helped me…when there was no-

one else Jesse had been there for me. Been strong, held me. I jumped at a slight rustle from a bushy fern. I closed my book and slid it away from

me, tensing my muscles. Shalimar emerged from behind the fronds of the plant.

"Brennan?" her eyes lit on me and I felt fire seep into my veins, forcing my muscles to bunch even further. "Hey Bren" she slid closer to kneel next

to me and I shuffled further away from her. I saw worry crease her eyes and a tentative smile creeped onto her lips. My eyes widened and I felt

my pupils dilate,

"Stay away Shalimar" she scooted even closer and I began to panic

"Come on Bren, I'm-"

"_I said back off" _I yelled and jumped to my feet. She did the same, both of our instincts into overdrive. Adrenaline speared through my body, I bent

my knees and readied to run. Shalimar reached out to touch my arm and I screamed out,

"_Don't you touch me._ Don't you _ever_ touch me. Not _ever._" Power rippled through my legs as I sprang away from her. Racing through Sanctuary I

heard Shalimar's footsteps tapping with an ominous lightness behind me. She drew closer and reached out to grab me. Dizziness whirled through

me as I felt her touch on my shoulder,

"_Bren_" I panicked, feeling sick and I span on my foot, whipping a fist around to dislodge my attacker and the dusty scent of gravel, mixed with the

copper stink of blood shot through my nose. Another's face swam in front of Shalimar's as she ducked under my flying fist, _his_ face. All I saw was a

snatch of Emma, and orb of her power flying at me before I blacked out and hit the floor. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to.


	8. Chapter 8

Jesse.

I could feel the crinkles around my eyes as I knelt by Brennan, where he lay on his bed. The wrinkles deepened as his eyes flickered, my entire

face felt drawn tight with worry. What would he be like when he woke up? I had ordered both Shalimar and Emma out of the room. For some

reason he'd freaked out when he'd seen them, I couldn't understand it, I thought he'd be happy to see them, he loved them, right? I sighed

deeply, again. I'd thought everything was going to be alright, but I guess there's always one more bridge to cross. His eyes fluttered again and I

whispered softly,

"Hey Brennan, I'm here" they opened and caught mine. I smiled slowly and his own lips replied. But then fear edged into his eyes again and he

began to look around the room,

"Wh-where are they Jesse? She made me sleep, I didn't want to Jesse. _I didn't want to_" his words cut through me and turned to stones that fell to

the pit of my stomach.

"Don't worry Brennan, I sent them away, they're not here" a smile tugged sweetly at the corners of his mouth,

"You got rid of them? For me?" I hesitated,

"Yeah Bren, but you don't need to be scared of them, they want to help" Brennan's face darkened.

"No. I can't trust them, they weren't there for me. She made me sleep Jesse, she forced me" my breath was stolen as I realised why he was so

afraid. He didn't trust the others. Emma had knocked him out, forced him to do something he hadn't wanted to and for him, it would only conjure

up memories of what had happened, make it worse. I rubbed my eyes. I needed to talk to the girls.

"Bren, I have to go, ok? Don't worry, if you need me I'm not far away alright?" he smiled slightly, the fear easing out of his eyes.

"Ok, thanks Jesse…I like-" he looked down, seeming embarrassed "I like waking up with you here" he looked up at me again and pulled himself

up to gently kiss me on the lips. I tensed up the moment his lips met mine, uncomfortable – I was kissing a _guy_. Brennan may be hot for a man

but I'm straight damnit. Suddenly I relaxed, allowing it as I looked into Brennan's eyes, he was my friend, he needed comfort and I could give him

this: a simple innocent kiss. It doesn't mean anything - there's no harm in a kiss, right?

* * *

I thumped down on Shal's bed, across from her and breathed in the wisps of her scent that puffed up from the sheets.

"Shal, what am I supposed to do? I want to help Brennan, and what with him terrified of the both of you, I think I'm the only one that can. What

he wants from me, I think it's the best way to help him but… I mean, I'm no homophobe, and just as open minded as the next guy but…this? I

know I love him, I love you all but can I love him like that?" Shal smiled at the mien of confusion on my face. I smiled back but still felt distressed.

"Look Jesse. I can't make a decision for you, can't tell you what's in your mind, or your heart, you're gonna have to look for yourself. Now, I'll

admit, I think Brennan's asking a lot of you and normally he'd back off, let you come around slow, find yourself and see that you're comfortable

with liking guys" I opened my mouth to object but she carried on over me "please Jesse, I know you, you're full of love and don't discriminate over

who you give it to, frankly I think the only reason you're uncomfortable with this is cause you've never tried it before. Besides you'd give your

worst enemy your left testicle if they asked sweet enough. But Brennan doesn't have the time to let you come to him. He needs someone, and

while me and Em would love to be there for him, he's scared and he's hurting badly. You can help him Jesse, and you know you want to" I

frowned and stared at my hands, clenched together in my lap. I smiled at Shal, thanked her for her advice and left for my room: I had some

thinking to do.

* * *

I stepped into the kitchen, finding Brennan at the stove, he turned and beamed at me and god help me i couldnt help but smile back,

"Hey Jesse, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Um about earlier?" he grinned at me and said teasingly,

"You mean when you kissed me?" my mouth fell open,

"_What_? No, I didn't even-" I took a took a deep cleansing breath "never mind that, I meant about Emma and Shal" his face darkened and I

frowned at him,

"Brennan, I told you, you don't have to be afraid of them, they want to help"

"He's right Brennan" I span to face Emma, she stood in the doorway, her slim frame cutting an elegant shadow across the floor. I twisted back to

Brennan, he was stood in a slight crouch, hands balled into fists I knew were deadly. "I want to help you, you need to realize that" she reached

out, palms up in a soothing gesture,

"Emma maybe you shouldn't" I warned, my voice low as I saw Brennan's muscles bunch.

"Stay away from me. I told you earlier and you made me sleep" a snap of electricity crackling down the length of Brennan's arm caught my eye.

"Emma I really think this isn't-"

"No Jesse, its fine" she took an ill advised step toward him and I saw it, saw the splinter in his eyes of his love for Emma being overridden by fear.

I saw the betrayal flood his face and a warning wisp of power shot from his finger to hit Emma. She jerked as her muscles contracted involuntarily.

"_I said back off_" Brennan all but growled. Emma took a deep breath, composing herself.

"Brennan I can help you, I just want to be here for you" she took another step and Brennan flew past her, running to stand behind me. I grasped

his hand to try and calm him. Emma stepped toward us and I spoke out.

"Em that's enough, I know you want to help him but this isn't the way, you're just scaring him" a pleading expression crossed her face as she

strode to him.

"Brennan please" she reached out and this time a full blast of energy flew out to meet her. She jumped out of the way and rolled to stand back

up. The moment she did she was already dodging another blast of electricity.

"That's _enough_" I shouted as a ball of Emma's own power formed at her forehead. "Emma. Out. Now. You can talk to Brennan when he's ready

and that clearly isn't now so leave." Emma looked down, ashamed as the ball of light receded and she strode out of the room, tears in her eyes. I

turned to face Brennan, he had backed away until he'd reached the wall. He slid down and brought his knees up to his chest.

"I don't want to hurt them. But they don't understand." His head snapped up, eyes meeting mine, eerily reminiscent of the night he'd been raped.

"They won't leave me alone Jesse. Why won't they leave me _alone_?" I slid down next to him and wrapped my arm around him. I shifted him

around so he faced away from me, I moved my arm to curl it further around him, resting my hand on his stomach. I gently pulled him back until his

head lay on my chest. I draped my other arm around him, my hands meeting as I hugged him closer. Leaning forward I whispered into his ear,

"Don't worry Bren, I'm here for you. Completely. And I'm not gonna leave you. Not ever" he looked me in the eyes, pain and innocence, love and

hate all mixed together,

"You promise?" I smiled back at him,

"Yeah Bren, I promise"


	9. Chapter 9

Jesse.

Days had passed since Brennan's last breakdown and he was doing better, really trying. He could be in the same room as the others. But still

conversation was hard and he couldn't let them touch him but it was a start. Sweat began to bead on my face as I slammed another roundhouse

into the punch bag. My ribs were all but healed and the burns and bruises nearly forgotten. I could tell he was still in pain, and would be for a

while, but it looks like he's found something to distract him – me. I'm certainly still unsure about everything, the way I feel and about Brennan, but

he seemed to think I was 'coming round' as he'd put it. I smashed a punch combo into the bag, ignoring the twinges from my ribs. I jumped as a

voice rang out through the dojo,

"Nice, did I ever tell you, you get the cutest little look of concentration on your face when you fight?" I poked my tongue out at him saying,

"Just how long have you been standing there?"

"Oh, not too long, just a few minutes, besides, how am I supposed to stay away when this is going on? No, Jesse working out is a far nicer sight

than anything else in this enormous cave" He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and I frowned at him,

"Yeah cause that's a great plan isn't it?" an idea hit me and I struggled to keep a smile off my face as I said, "hey Bren, can I have a look at

those?" he fixed suspicious eyes on me but handed them over. I beamed at him, phased and dove through the nearest wall. Once I was on the

other side I turned back, poked my face through the wall and stuck my tongue out at him before backing into the room again.

* * *

Brennan.

Damnit! The bastard stole my cigarettes! He tricked me and jumped through a wall grinning like the damn Cheshire cat! I ran around the room to

the door and threw it open to find he was gone. I heard a cackle from the dojo and ran back to find him standing there in the centre of it waving

the pack at me. I growled and charged at him. Jesse span on his heel to run away but was too slow, I tackled him and we both tumbled to the

floor. I landed on top of him and he winced,

"Jesus I didn't know you weighed so much Bren!" he gasped. I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't mean to but our eyes met and I could help myself. I

moved down and brushed my lips against his. I felt his muscles tighten but I carried on, pressing harder. He made a soft noise in the back of his

throat, he hadn't meant to but I know from experience that I'm a damn fine kisser. I began to move my lips more passionately against his and he

groaned ever so slightly. I grinned and said.

"Can I have my smokes back now?" my face a mere inch from his,

"Only if you stop kissing me" he replied breathlessly. I looked into his eyes and could tell he couldn't help but enjoy the kiss, despite what his

brain was telling him. My smile widened,

"Hmm, not worth it" I crossed that solitary inch and pressed my lips back to his. He moaned again and this time began to kiss me back, without

even meaning to. Suddenly he pushed against my chest, breaking the kiss and he gasped,

"Alright, alright, you can have them back" he grinned mischievously "if you can get them back!" his hand blurred as he phased it and he whipped it

into the floor, when he brought it back up, the cigarettes were gone. My jaw dropped,

"Did you just-"

"Yep"

"Into the floor?"

"Yep" he grinned ferociously until I swooped down and kissed him fiercely again, forcing him to gasp and make that sweet little noise in the back

of his throat again. I chuckled softly against his sweet mouth, feeling lines of fire streak across my back behind his roaming hands. With a quick

jerk he span us round so he lay on top of me, he whispered in my ear,

"You want me?" He jumped up onto his feet, grinned, poked his tongue out at me and ran out of the dojo, shouting

"You gotta catch me!"

* * *

Jesse.

Oh. Dear. God, I think I'm flirting. I streaked out of the dojo. I think I just made out with Brennan. Oh god. What am I doing? I think I liked it! Oh

god! I cannot believe myself; I'd told Brennan I wasn't gay. And now I find myself on the floor of the dojo finding out what his mouth tasted like.

Brennan caught up with me just as I neared my bedroom. He grabbed me around the waist and we span into the wall. His hands were still at my

hips as he kissed me deeply. As my back pressed against the wall another idea struck me. I phased and fell backward through the wall, landing

on the bed where I shook with laughter when I heard a thud and a loud curse. I swear to god I nearly wet myself when Brennan appeared at the

doorway, rubbing his jaw with narrowed eyes,

"You wanna tell me why I just found myself frenching the wall?" he strode to the bed and jumped on top of me, pinning me down. He kissed me

again and began trailing his lips down the line of my neck. I froze as his hand slipped down between us and undid the button of my jeans.

"Bren wait"

"C'mon Jesse, we both know you want this" he whispered in my ear and I tried not to shiver at the feel of his hot breath tickling my lobe

"Stop it Brennan"

"Fine, just say 'I don't want this' and I'll back off"

"I uh- just stop Bren"he pulled back to look at me,

"That's not 'I don't want this'"

"Just back off Bren"

"That's not 'I don't want this'…do you want this Jesse? Do you want me? You wouldn't have to be alone anymore, let's face it Jess, this place is

great, being on the team and everything but without someone to love, to touch," he said, running a finger down my chest "its damn near

unbearable. We could make a paradise of this isolated mountain Jesse. Just say that you want this" Oh god, what am I doing? I looked

searchingly into his eyes,

"I want this"


	10. Chapter 10

Brennan.

I woke up early the next morning. And instead of feeling that clutching, horrible collapse in my chest when I realised it was a dream, I rolled over

to come face to face with a drooling, snoring Jesse. I smiled at his slack face and shuffled closer, luxuriating in his warmth. I breathed in the scent

of him and smiled again. Now I knew everything would be ok. I still had scars that needed to heal, I still had pain and angst set deep in my soul, I

still had bad deeds to atone for but I also had Jesse. And as I looked at his sweet, innocent face I knew that while a new day would never strip

my soul of sin and pain, a new day with him would. The sight of Jesse sleeping peacefully made me feel purer and happier than I had since the

day of my birth, and every day would be like today, a first day, a new day, a day with the man I loved.

* * *

Jesse.

I woke up, my eyes fluttering open to find Brennan watching me. I smiled and moved closer to kiss him. Life was good and I didn't regret a thing,

knew I never would. Me and Brennan fit perfectly and I knew now that I loved him, hell I couldn't help it, and certainly didn't want to!

"Morning, how long have you been watching me?" Brennan grinned slyly,

"Oh, only a minute or two. In fact not nearly long enough, go back to sleep! I want to remember the sight of you" I laughed and felt my heart do a

clichéd little leap,

"Sorry Bren, but I guess you'll have to wait till tomorrow morning – I'm already up. Speaking of which…" I slid closer and as I slipped into his arms,

my lips meeting his, I thought, I'd was right, life isn't like TV…Its better.


End file.
